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Top 5 annoyances

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Top 5 annoyances of a windsurfer

Here are 5 annoying things which almost every windsurfer can relate to. If you're not a victim of the following 5 then you'll know someone who is. They're those things we don't talk about but do them anyway and most bizarrely, accept them all as completely normal. Although, when we're out of our "windsurfer mode" they are totally crazy.

For example, imagine doing #4 before going into a coffee shop.

#5 You leave your wet underpants on the back seat

How many times have you left your wet shorts / underpants in your car or in one of your containers? How bad did it smell when you discovered it was still wet a week later? Even worse, what response did the person have who had to wash them?

Hard questions, but surely what takes the cake is the fact that no-one washed them, so you just wear them again. What the heck, they're wet anyway plus the salt will kill any bacteria and a nasty rash won't hurt as much as missing out.

#4 You get naked behind your car door

Okay before we raise our arms and shout "WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?", it might look creepy to a sweet old lady, that by the way hasn't the faintest idea as to what windsurfing is, who happens to spot a pair of white butt cheeks or, god-forbid, uncooked beef and potatoes.

Most of us try to be decent about it so we do in fact use our car door for cover. But what about when the wind is blowing and you're a little desperate? Stuff it, the side walk it is.

#3 When last did you wash your wetsuit?

You can't say you own a suit until you've urinated in it. Secondly, there's nothing better than warm water down your legs on those cold days. It's also just way too impractical to do it any other way.

So what's annoying about this? The annoying part is several months later when your suit reeks like a public toilet. Of course some of us do wash our wetsuits when we can, we give them a good rinse and then bobs your uncle they're clean. But for some reason as time goes by it gets stinkier and stinkier.

Once in a while we're a victim of the old shart, but fortunately that doesn't seem to be common practice.

#2 Waves finger and shouts one more

Sometimes we invite friends or family along to enjoy a day out. Little do they know it has nothing to do with a get together and everything to do with the sailing you selfish bastard. When they arrive everybody is sitting in their cars because the sand hurts them too much.

So what happens next? They want to go home and they want to go home now. This is where the old finger trick works like a charm, we call out "one more" whenever we jibe and the runs get longer and longer.

It often goes something like this. "5 minutes, 1 minute, 1 more, 1 more, 1 more, last one, final one and I swear this is the last go". Usually gets you about 45 minutes extra sailing time. Annoying for those waiting, yes.

#1 Sulk factor

Probably the most annoying thing we do of all is sulk. It usually happens over the weekend following #2, your friends and family have learnt from experience, so they make alternative plans the second time around and expect you to join.

So you find yourself chatting about Jill and her ex while the wind is obviously punching 30 knots, putting it mildly the day is a bitch so you flop the meat around half-heartedly because you offered to help BBQ.

The closest thing to foamy water is a beer so you open a few and get tanked. It takes a while but eventually you're laughing and strangely every time you laugh everyone else seems to stop.

Not only are you annoyed with the whole situation, they all seem to be annoyed about it too which is why this takes number 1.



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Guest Sunday, 07 June 2020
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